What's in a name?

I legally changed my name yesterday, for the second time in my life. It's not only a major pain in the ass dealing with social security, the DMV, insurance (car, medical, dental), and all the bills I have under my name (phone, electric, water, car loan, credit card ...) but it's also very stressful deciding on what the new name will be. Okay, so I guess obviously part of the new name is Jeff's last name, but what do I do with my maiden name? And what about my middle names? I agonized over this for a few months before striking proverbial gold and settling on a name the night before last.

The primary issue is that my parents gave me two middle names which makes my given name fairly long: Anna Mary Kathleen Lofgren. If you try and ad a hyphenated last name in there (which I did with my first marriage - Anna Mary Kathleen Lofgren Berry) you get something that is so ridiculously long that even the staff at the DMV do a double-take (and let's be honest, they see a lot of names from all sorts of backgrounds and with no offense intended, foreign names can get crazy long by Western standards and I think I had them all beat). Plus, when I did the double last name before I was intending to just go by one for day to day things (Berry).  I never ever wanted to be addressed as "Mrs. Lofgren Berry" and yet it happened all the time and people would stumble over the letters like they were just learning to read. Pharmacists would file my prescriptions under Lofgren half the time, Berry the other half, doctors would file me under the opposite of what I called myself and it was always a huge pain in the ass.

So you may be wondering why I don't just drop Lofgren and make life easy? If you are asking that you must not know me that well because I think most people would say I don't tend to do things the easy way. I like to do things the Anna way. It's a little wild, a little crazy, definitely unconventional and often illogical, but it works for me. Or I make it work for me and get frustrated with anyone or anything that stands in my way or questions my methods.

At any rate, Jeff was intent on my taking his name, and I liked the idea of the three of us sharing a common last name so I acquiesced. Thorner would be my last name. I refused to consider a hyphen after living with the annoyance it caused for too many years already. I didn't want to drop my middle names as they were given to honor important women in our family and it seemed disrespectful. I couldn't fit Anna Mary Kathleen Lofgren Thorner in the little spaces provided in the name change form from social security ... I was stuck in a quagmire. And then, as I said, I struck gold, sitting on the couch with Jeff bemoaning my quandary.

I filled in the form and headed out the door for my date with Destiny at the social security office (actually I forget her name but she was a real hard-ass). And now ladies and gentlemen, for the big unveil!! If you take a look at my ID you'll see a unique name that met all my criteria and fits into the provided spaces on legal forms:

Anna M.K. Lofgren Thorner.

Mrs. Thorner for short. Or hell, just call me Anna, it will be less confusing that way.

9 out of 10 opinions are wrong

Jeff told me that a couple of weeks ago and frankly it's as true today as it was then. Everyone has got an opinion and strangely, I seem to be pretty much the only person with the correct opinion. Shocking, isn't it?

I know what you're thinking: But Anna, how can you be sure your opinion is the 1 in 10 that is right? Well, for one thing I have this weird feeling in my gut that tells me I'm smarter than most people. For another thing, people often tell me how wise I am (okay they mostly just say it with their eyes - that's what it means when people roll their eyes at you, right?).

Mostly though the way I know I can trust my own opinion to be the right one is when it comes to my son. As I've mentioned in a previous blog, people try to advise me on raising Asa and I smile and nod, but really in my head I'm thinking "You haven't got a clue".  I hear ideas on getting Asa to sleep through the night (last time I checked I'm not really complaining about his sleep habits). Ideas on when and how to potty train, how not to spoil him, how to stop him from biting me (I have solicited advice on this and have yet to hear an answer that I intend to implement), why I shouldn't respond to his fake cries, why I shouldn't respond to his real cries at night, how often to bathe him, when to cut his hair ... Blah blah blah.

Pretty much the only opinion I habitually solicit is that of my daycare provider, Zory, and her daughters Mara and AnMary. They know my baby (and this makes me a little sad to be honest) as well as Jeff and I do, plus they must have raised at least 10 kids between all the tiny clients they've taken care of over the years. I guess if Michelle Duggar lived by I might ask her opinion too, but I definitely don't think I'd ever ask Jon or Kate Gosselin.  My point is, everyone has got an opinion, most of them I haven't asked for but all of which I will listen to and take under advisement and eventually determine that Jeff is right, 9 out of 10 opinions are wrong ... Is that irony? I'm not sure.

Dorothy's Wisdom

I'm a huge fan of the Golden Girls and I have been since they debuted in the 80's. I used to watch them with my grandma when I would stay over at her house and then somehow in college I picked it up again. In fact my roommate and I had "do you like Golden Girls" as one of our interview questions when looking for a third roommate. When we found a girl who answered yes we figured it was a match made in heaven (we were totally wrong on that count but whatever, the house burned down and we didn't have to live with her after that).

Anyway, these days I've got every episode on DVD and pretty much every line of every episode memorized. If it wasn't so nerdy I'd probably reference them in conversation far more often than I do but I like to at least attempt an air of coolness so I often hold my tongue. I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm a closet fan though. I did at one point own a Golden Girls tee, which was lost but I'd love to replace it and if they come up in conversation I'm quick to rush to their defense (not that they need any defense, their sublimeness should speak for itself).

My point is, right now Asa is upstairs crying himself to sleep for a very late afternoon nap. It breaks my heart and drives me nuts having to listen to his little cries even though I can tell by his tone that they are unsubstantiated and mostly just overly tired wails that will quickly wind down into a peaceful snooze. It also reminds of a line that Dorothy delivered to Blanche where she commented, "It isn't easy being a mother, if it were, fathers would do it.".

Hats off to all of my fellow mothers who know how true that statement is and to all the fathers, sisters, brothers, grandmothers and grandfathers who help us weather the hard times.