Medical Info Women Should Know

Okay, maybe I'm bored but I actually found this mildly amusing so I'm going way out of bounds and just copy/pasting my blog post today.

Pregnancy, Estrogen, and Women

PREGNANCY Q & A & more

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?

A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q : I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?

A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.

A: So what's your question?

Q?: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor,

but pressure. Is she right?

A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.?

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?

A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q?: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?

A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?

A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?

A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?

A: When the kids are in college.

"ESTROGEN ISSUES"

10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.

2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.

3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.

5. You 're using your cell phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving".

6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.

7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space."

9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND

10. Cats' facial expressions.

9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.

8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.

7. Fat clothes.

6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.

5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.

4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.

3. Eyelash curlers.

2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

AND, the Number One thing only women understand:

1. OTHER WOMEN

head over heels

Asa finally took his first big spill off the couch today. I say "finally" because its a moment I've seen coming for months and have been obviously concerned about. As it turns out, it was hilarious! Well, hilarious to me, more sort of frightening to Asa I would guess.

Here is how events transpired: Asa is running around on the couch (yes, I know this is bad manners and not safe) while I stand nearby and tell him to "sit down please", which he does. After a few moments he is back up and I tell him to be careful and he makes a move to sit down only he's too close to the edge so he starts to fall over. Somehow it happens incredibly slowly. One hand, two hands firmly on the ground, top of his head planted between his hands, momentary head stand before the feet and legs come flipping over his head and BAM! Asa completes his first somersault and couch fall in one amazing move.

He sat up looking bewildered and I smile at him realizing he's not hurt in the least, and start laughing. He looks a little unsure, then a little proud of himself, then he's back to looking a little unsure. I squat down and he comes running over for a reassuring hug. It was very sweet, very funny, and luckily no one was harmed in the making of this memorable moment. And perhaps little man will think twice before he goes running around on the sofa again.